Motherhood 'the second time', lately I've been thinking about it a lot. Is it so different from becoming a mother for the first time? Is it harder, is it easier, is it less special, does it definitively turn you into 'a mother with a family' instead of 'a girl who happens to have a child'?
I must admit that sometimes it feels a bit like playtime is over. Right now we seem to be this fulltime little caretaking factory, in a constant flow of answering to the -often contradictory- demands of our children. Constantly seeking for the balance between silence and noise: as soon as one child is quiet and in need of silence, the other one starts making lots of noise... And the next moment they're both making noise ;).
My life feels pretty small these days, and I feel I'm in this funny place of on the one hand already looking forward to some more room for myself again, while on the other hand not yet being ready to take that room, and create even the smallest distance between my baby and me. We're still intertangled, and I know that will change slowly but surely, but not yet.
I feel quite absorbed in all this, but not in the same way as when Rosa was born. Back then I was so eagerly waiting for each little step in her development, but now it's almost like I've forgotten that babies develop so quickly, so even though we've already been through this before with a baby, we almost seem more surprised: hey, she's laughing! Hear, she's mumbling and making funny noises! I guess we're so much in the middle of realizing that we're having another baby, that we sometimes just forget that babies aren't unchanging little creatures, but quickly evolving human beings. Maybe it's because Julie started so slowly -being so small and tiny and asleep almost all the time in the first week or two- and then all of a sudden started to grow and develop like crazy. At eight weeks she was already more than twice her birth weight!
'The baby' is already becoming more and more of a person, and that is really an exciting thing to experience once again. I can't wait to see who she'll become, and how she'll interact with Rosa and with each of us. Maybe I'm even more curious now that it's the second time that we experience how a baby grows and develops, because we already have a bit of a clue of what having a child is like. Just like it was when we had Rosa, it feels totally weird that within a short period of time this baby will start rolling over, crawling, moving, eating, walking... We've seen it before, but it still feels hard to believe!