Don't worry, I will be talking about many other subjects but pregnant bellies here again... But there is one aspect of it that I wanted to tell a bit more about. Pregnancy and having children usually is a very happy subject, and I've noticed that people often talk about it very easily: they say stuff like 'I think I will have three children' or ask you 'When are you going to have children?' Or they proudly tell you things like: 'I was pregnant before I could even blink my eyes, it was one lucky shot.' And then sometimes they even say things like: 'Apparently this baby really wanted to be with us, because I got pregnant while using contraception.'
Somehow these are the kind of stories you hear most often, maybe because they are very common, but maybe also because they are the kind of stories that people so happily like to share. But other stories can be told as well. I didn't get pregnant before I could blink my eyes: in fact it took us about one and a half year before I finally was pregnant. I do realize that in the end that isn't even that long (I feel super blessed when I compare my experiences to the situation of people who had to wait like eight years, spending years in medical treatment and maybe in the end never saw their dream to have a child come true), but it's long enough to start worrying and thinking about the possibility that you may not be able to have children in the end.
Somehow I never really expected that getting pregnant would be such an easy road (even though I had no indications that in my case it could be difficult), but I hadn't realized that waiting for a pregnancy that didn't come easily could have such an impact. The first half year of trying I felt very relaxed (and to be honest in the beginning I was even relieved when I wasn't pregnant, cause I sometimes doubted if I was really really ready for it!), but when we were approaching the point of 'one year of trying' we started to get more nervous. Cause the medics make it pretty clear: if you don't get pregnant within a year, you may be 'subfertile', which is a pretty confronting thing to hear regarding your own situation.
After about a year we ended up in hospital for some basic fertility tests. The fact that they couldn't find any reasons for us not to get pregnant was a relief, but it also left us with a big question mark: was it all just some bad luck, or could there be something wrong that the doctors just didn't know about? They sent us home to keep trying for some longer, but it was getting more and more difficult to keep faith. The fact that people around us seemed to get pregnant so easily got harder and harder to deal with: at a certain point I found it really difficult to still be happy for them while our own situation seemed so incertain.
In the end we were lucky that this hard period only lasted a few months (that seemed much longer!), because three months after the tests in hospital I turned out to be pregnant. It was such a relief and we felt so grateful, though also scared if everything would really be okay. I think when you have to wait long for a pregnancy (or when you've had troublesome experiences around pregnancy before), you won't be as careless as some people seem to be during those first months, but nothing alarming happened during those first weeks so we quickly gained faith. And if everything continues to be allright, I will be fifteen weeks pregnant tomorrow!
I wanted to tell you this story because I think it's important that not just the 'one lucky shot!'-stories are being told. Maybe someone is reading here now who is struggling with the same (or worse, because obviously I realize that some people's stories are much more difficult than mine) incertainties I experienced, and maybe our story can give you some hope or recognition. Even though they're such a happy thing (which I'm experiencing now!), those proud pregnant bellies can also be painful to look at. And the stories of those super easy pregnancies and 'babies that just really wanted to be with us' can give you a sense of failure or shame because you don't seem to be able to accomplish what seems to be the easiest thing in the world for most other people.
I also hope that telling stories like these makes people a little more aware of the fact that having children may not always be that obvious. And that sometimes you may have to be a bit careful with what you're saying... A while ago I was at a party with a lot of moms, and I heard one mom ask the other one (that had one three-year-old girl): 'And, shouldn't you have the second one by now?' The mom of the three-year-old responded that the first one had already been such a long and difficult road with fertility treatments and all, that she definitely didn't want to go there again... And a little while ago I read some sort of announcement on a blog: 'We'll be having a baby next year!' Surprised I read on: was the blogger pregnant? But it turned out that she was just planning to start conceiving by the end of the year, so that she would have her baby the next year... I guess it often is that easy, but definitely not always!
And now for a cheerful ending: I got le bébé his first bear last week, a beautiful crocheted one by Anne-Claire Petit!